You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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