I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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