turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You dont lie about slip and slides
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
