I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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