Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
