When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
