They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
