ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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