no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
