It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
