Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
