doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
