I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
