Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
