Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
