Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
