I will die if light touches me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
