It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
