I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
