I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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