My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
