hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
