I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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