I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
