I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
