the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm going to jail i love you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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