I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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