the condom got lost in my hair
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
