When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
