I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
