So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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