I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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