the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
