Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
