I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
