so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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