Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
