3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
