i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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