i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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