You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
