so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
