i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Randomize
