Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
