i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
