I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
