Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
