I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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