A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
