ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
