he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
