I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
