This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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